My childhood careens back and lands at my feet. Suddenly it's Sunday on Staten Island circa 1960. I'm at the dinner table with my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins...the fragrance of grapes deep purple and opaque green hanging on the outdoor trellis; fresh figs, sweet and juicy; plump artichokes; salty olives...eating lasagna on all holidays, even Thanksgiving. The same food, the same people; the number only changing with births and deaths - the core continues... New York City circa 1993 - I'm sitting in a trendy restaurant attempting to eat a foot-high dessert (the Leaning Tower of Pisa, perhaps?). Do I eat it or do I move in? It costs almost as much as my N.Y. Rent. "It" fancy. "It" fusion. It makes me miss my grandmother's strawberry shortcake.
Missing grandma's food and being 'fed up' with fancy restaurant prices and presentations were not the only reasons I dreamed up "To Grandmother's House We Go." Around age forty, I started to feel the need to plant my own little garden: no home, children, husband and just intermittent restaurant work and occasional teaching gigs gave my life a great deal of freedom and flexibility, but no real sense of growth and unfolding. I could have, I suppose, adopted twelve cats, preparing them only raw organic goat livers or spend $50,000 (I didn't have) on an invitro-offspring; but, I decided to plant a different garden. I decided to hunt down and get to know grandmas. So, with a low budget and no real plan, I set out to find older women (and men) who cook traditional family recipes. Sounds simple...but it wasn't. I found it harder to find women who actually cook (not empty out cans into a pot) than to find single, sane and solvent bachelors in N.Y.C.
For every ten women I spoke to, one or two would agree to do a class. Not only do these women (ages 40-85) have to cook real food, they have to be friendly, (houses need to be clean), and willing to allow strangers into their kitchens. (I usually bring from 4-8 students to each class.) The women (and men) who agree to do the class don't do it for the money (I do pay them plus the grocery costs), they do it because they are genuinely interested in sharing their family recipes and memories with others.
At the start of these classes, I let go of making any money on the "project." I rationalized this by telling myself - if I had children it would be costing me mega- bucks to send them to collegeâ¦.so instead of college - I'm going to Grandma's House. I wanted to just take a leap of faith and see where a creative idea plus a lot of persistence would take me.
The classes usually run on the weekends; a recreation of sorts of the ritual Saturday/or Sunday visits to Grandma. A small group of students brave traveling to the boroughs (and beyond) to visit grandma. The students who come enjoy the classes; they are small, intimate, hands-on (or off, if you prefer) and mostly simple home cooking. They enjoy getting to know "grandma," often meeting her family or at least hearing about them. Grandmas don't only talk about cooking; they share their life's adventures. Most of all they are nurturing.
One of my students called it "legacy cooking." While another was less romantic, calling it "a visit home without the agenda." I like this explanation of what's going on, so I put it in my brochures. The grandmothers, because they are not actually blood relatives, refrain from those "pesky" questions like, "why aren't you married yet?" or irksome demands (like my own grandmother) "let me hem those pants for you, it'll only take a minute."
The food is simple, not gourmet; not "low fat," not "vegan," not politically correct. Some grandmothers use pork, butter, even a little bit of shortening (all modern no-nos). While others have lightened things up over the years. One Greek grandmother decided to make her traditional butter cookies with margarine. She thought that was what we wanted; it wasn't. Part of the charm of the classes is using traditional ingredients.
Every grandma is different. Some are quite young and hip, while others are more Old World. Some aren't literally grandmas, but should be. The trend today for many women is to start 'thinking' about having children after age 35 (or older); this causes many grandmas-in-waiting to be anxious and wonder if they will ever get to experience the joys of slipping a young one a verboten cookie. Some "grandmas" actually are grandmothers but their grandchildren live far away; maybe they see them twice or three times a year.
By doing these classes, I feel like I provide a service of sorts: "Be a grandma for a day." "Rent a grandma for a day." Cooking is the focus of the classes but in reality it's just a vehicle for some common ground amongst strangers.
As we cook and eat the questions begin to flow...
- Who taught you to cook? (Most grandmas admit they didn't learn to cook until they were married!)
- How is life different her than in...Trinidad? Syria? Italy?
- What was it like coming here as an immigrant?
- How did you learn the language?
- Do you go back home? What do you miss most about home?
- What was it like being twenty in 1920?
- What is your favorite recipe and why?
Oral history in the guise of a cooking class. People breaking bread together and learning about each other in a nurturing warm environment...grandma's house.
I found doing these classes helped me in unexpected ways. For one, it brought me closer to my own family. Finally, after twenty years of basically "rejecting their family values," here I was asking questions about my own grandmother's hard work in the kitchen. I've done classes with my own mother, my aunts, my uncle, my second cousin...
Many of my current students and former students from the Natural Gourmet Cookery School have found me grandmas (their own grannies, moms, aunts or friends). It is a great way to visit with my students outside of the classroom and get to know a little bit more about them. It also makes me feel like they are supporting my project and this is a wonderful and sweet feeling. I've made some new friends from this project. The people who take my classes in the city and beyond: Sicily and Mexico, are adventurous types willing to learn outside of a traditional classroom.
Another plus has been meeting interesting and vibrant older people. In this youth and celebrity obsessed culture, we sometimes forget...those pre-women libbers are alive and kicking (and that's after working, raising families and cooking). After working with these older people I realize that the body may diminish on some level, but the spirit just as often emerges. Who looks good in a mini-skirt after twenty-five anyway, and is that the be all and end all as mass media implies? As I find myself (all of a sudden) a woman of a certain age, I no longer fear aging. If age is a meal I would say youth is a stir-fry shrimp, while maturity is a rich mole sauce.
Cooking is really about communication. My grandmother was a woman of a few words, my great-grandmother did not speak a speck of English, yet it was always crystal clear how they felt about me: a hand in an apron pocket that delivers a special treat speaks volumes.
P.S. A funny thing happened on my way to Grandmother's House. At age 46 (defying the odds according to ageist "experts"), I married a wonderful man with three children. I cook for two of them who live with use now. I have let them get to know me through my cooking. I have gotten to know them in turn by cooking for them. My two stepdaughters both have children, so now I find myself, at age 51, "Grandma Sue."
I am the owner/director of "To Grandmother's House We Go Cooking Tours." I have spent the last ten years coordinating visits between "grandmothers" (older women and men) and interested students. These trips have included one day cooking classes in the tri-state area and one-two week cooking classes in other countries, specifically Palermo, Sicily; Rome, Italy; Acaltan, Mexico; Puebla, Mexico; Cuernavaca, Mexico; and Oaxaca, Mexico. I have worked with women (and men) from all over the world including: Syria, Egypt, Greece, Morocco, Italy, Romania, Eastern Europe (Russia), Ireland, India, Sri Lanka, Japan, Thailand, Cuba, Trinidad, Mexico, Spain, and the United States. I am the Director of Education at the Natural Gourmet Cookery School along with being a full-time instructor.
I have been featured in the following publications, radio and television:
- Washington Post/Reuters/Ellen Wulfhost
- New York Times/Alex Witchel
- Daily Record/Marion Filler
- Daily News/Whitney Walker
- USA Today/Greg Zoroya
- New York Magazine/Ruth Katz
- N.Y. 1/Christina Ha
- Gotham Metro Channel/Michele Johnston
- Molly O'Neil's New York/channel 13/Molly O'Neil
- NBC News/Hillary Lane
- Market Place Radio/Jessica Smith
- Veg News/Colleen Holland
- Entrepreneurial Radio/Amy Ryan
- National Geographic Traveler/Renee RestivoI
have taught avocational classes at:
- The Natural Gourmet Cookery School
- Sur La Table, Washington, D.C. and Manhasset, Long Island
- Learning Annex, NYC
- Brooklyn Childrens' Museum, NYC
- Long Island College, NYC
- Private classes in New York City and Greenwich, CT
- Classic Thyme Cooking School, NJ
- The Green Market, NYC
~Susan Baldassano